If Possible, Unscripturally Divorced Should Seek Reconciliation by Dylan Stewart

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus lays out the only reason a person can seek divorce from his spouse – “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Here, Jesus gives us God’s general rule on divorce and remarriage, then provides the only exception to that rule. If a person divorces his spouse for any reason other than sexual immorality (“fornication,” KJV) and remarries, Jesus says that person commits adultery. For people who have unscripturally divorced their spouses, what is the appropriate course of action?

Prior to giving the command in Matthew 19:9, Jesus, in defining marriage, says, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6). If we unscripturally divorce our spouse, then we unjustly separate what God has joined together. By inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul tells us that such separation should not take place, but if it does occur, then our response should be as follows: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). This passage teaches us that one who sins by leaving his spouse for any reason other than sexual immorality should seek reconciliation with (try to remarry) the divorced spouse, if possible. If we remarry another person after the unscriptural divorce, we must terminate that marriage since God does not recognize that marriage as honorable (Romans 7:2-3; Mark 6:18). However, since sin can often have long-lasting earthly consequences, it is not guaranteed that the divorced spouse will accept a plea for reconciliation. If a person seeks reconciliation from his divorced spouse and the spouse refuses to take him back, 1 Corinthians 7:10 requires the person to remain unmarried since God says the two are still bound together by His law – “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (Romans 7:2-3). We must not loosen where God has bound (Matthew 16:19, 18:18); if we do so, corrective actions must be taken, including in the case of an unscriptural divorce/remarriage.

Conclusion

If we seek to follow the pattern set forth in the New Testament, we must respect the laws of marriage spoken by Christ and His apostles. 1 Corinthians 7:10 proves divorce and marital separation (unless on the grounds of sexual immorality [Matthew 5:32]) are wrong even if no remarriage follows (Matthew 19:6; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5; 1 Peter 3:7a). The proper response to address this sin is to ask God for forgiveness (1 John 1:9), bringing forth “fruit in keeping with repentance” by seeking reconciliation with the divorced spouse (Matthew 3:8; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11). If the divorced spouse will not accept reconciliation, we must remain unmarried.